Whatever You Want Honey

[I know, it’s a long time after the fact, but, hey, I’ve been busy.]

We had a blast. As for the humidity and rain, I could have done without it, but you cannot be too picky when you are camping. Or can you?

We decided the next camping trip will be near some shoreline and instead of tents we will be sleeping in cabins. I do not want to sleep in a river again. Our tent sprouted multiple streams on Sunday. Not all that fun unless you have gills and flippers. The last time I checked, my gills and flippers disappeared in the womb.

Anyway, I wanted to post a few of the pictures that were captured during our mini-VA-cation.

Here is our little group.

Left to Right

First Row - Kids:
Kaleb, Matthew, Samara, Emily, Brennen and Matthew (Yup. Two Matthews)

Second Row:
Me (Dale), Becki, Yvonne, Kevin, Patty and Steve

Back Row:
Jim, Heather, Terry and Rhoda (dog)

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Here I snapped a quick photo of our neighbor who obliged us by taking a photograph of us in the group setting.

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This is our mansion… that got flooded… did I mention that if you fill a tent full with water, nearly everything sinks? Except for the air mattress.

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This is Heather, Mat, Sam and Rhoda’s site here, it got flooded too. The two sites that I staked down got flooded. Coincidence? The world may never know.

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This is where Terry and Jim stayed. They stayed dry.

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Yvonne, Kevin, Brennen and Emily stayed here. They stayed dry, too. Hrumph.

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I didn’t get a picture of Patty, Steve and Matthew’s Hilton on wheels, so you will just have to imaging all the luxuries of the Hilton being towed behind a big pickup truck. Did I mention they had air conditioning and a game console? A tent??? What was I thinking???!!!

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Terry was caught in the act.

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Saturday, the kids got to play with bubbles, while the adults blogged and read e-mail. This was a camping excursion, after all.

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It would not be a trip if Heather didn’t sing and dance.

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The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round… Me singing and Kaleb lip syncing. Actually, you couldn’t hear me, which is a blessing to those listening.

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When it was time to go, the kids decided they would help…

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… and help…

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… and help.

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I have another story to tell about the trip home. You can laugh, I just don’t want to know how funny you think it is.

- D

Yes. We are camping. Yes, we are roughing it. Yes, it is HOT! And, Yes, I am sweating like a pig on a spit.

We arrived at the campground yesterday at around 3 pm. We got to the site and unpacked. That didn’t take nearly as long as packing. Everyone arrived within about 20 minutes. Within an hour, I was sopping wet from the sweat and humidity. Yuck.

We set up the mansion, it still took a half hour. T and J switched campsites three times before landing at the spot where they decided to stay. We all pitched in to set up the eating area. Two eating tents stacked side-by-side and two picnic tables end-to-end.

By the end of the day all tents were erected and sites were set up.

The ladies took off to pick up food. When I say they took off I mean they took off. It was two and a half hours later before they decided to return. I took a few of the kids to the playground. My son found a way to get covered from head to foot in dirt. I swear he is a magnet for the brown stuff.

We are camping in four sites. There are nine adults, five kids and six laptops. Do you think we need a real vacation?

It’s so hot, my laptop is burning up. Have a great Saturday.

We should have pictures.

- D

FYI. I am taking my laptop camping with me. We leave tomorrow morning. The campground has WI-FI and I plan on using it.

Maybe we will have our digital camera and snap some photos. Maybe not. It depends on my hair. If it is in disarray, then you will not see me. If I look good enough then I’ll post it. But don’t hold your breath.

Yes, I am vain. And I do not like others seeing my growing bald spot.

Tune in tomorrow.

- D

I remember reading a post on a blog a few days ago, and not sure which one, where they kept saying God is in the details. These last few days, God has been in the details.

Monday, you may recall that I had battery trouble with my car. After traveling for over an hour, I thought that the problem was solved. I thought the battery just drained because a light was left on or something. Well, that wasn’t the problem.

Yesterday, my wife needed to get her hair and eyebrows done before meeting our friends in OH. She asked me to make sure the car started while our friend Pam was still here. I turned the key in the ignition and got a click, click click…. then nothing. The battery. Again.

Pam pulled her car around. I popped the hoods on both cars and couldn’t find the battery on her Vue. I saw the positive terminal but no negative. Gggggrrrrrrrate. Just my luck, the new cars do not need real batteries anymore. (In case you didn’t know, I have a vehicular wormhole in my brain, so that anything I learn about vehicles gets sucked right out of my head. I have no capacity to learn about auto mechanics.)

In any event, I couldn’t get the car jumped, so she took me to the closest Napa Auto Parts store. I told the guy what was going on, he said it could be one of three things; a dead battery, a bad alternator or a short in the wiring causing a battery drain. Ok. That helped.

I ordered a new battery to be delivered today, ya’ know because they do not stock batteries for Lincoln’s out in the boonies. If I would have had a pickup truck, I am certain they would have carried it.

I get back to the house and start tinkering with the car again. That’s funny, because I really have no clue what I am doing. But, I found out that Vues do have a battery after all. They are just hidden under some kind of plastic case. I guess so it doesn’t try to run away from the car or something… Who knows? So, I got the car jumped and I let it idle for about 20 minutes.

Fast forward to today. I hop in the car to go pick up the new battery, because it came in and can you guess what happened? Yup. No juice. The battery is dead again. No friend around, AAA is going to be a few hours and I am stressed beyond any acceptable measure.

I see a guy who is working on a neighbor’s house and I ask for a jump. He obliges. The car sits charging for 20 plus minutes and nothing. The pastor from around the corner shows up and saves the day with a charger with a jump start feature. After a few minutes of charging, I hear clicking. A few more minutes and I get the familiar roar of the Lincoln. Yay!

I thank the pastor, he tells me no charge because God told him this was a freebie. We chuckled and I high-tailed it to Napa for my new battery.

I got there and took out the old battery, bought the new one and as I was installing it, the guy from Napa comes out. He asks to see the battery connectors. Then says that I should probably clean them to get a better connection. I told the guy that I didn’t know what to clean it with. He recommends a wire brush, so I went back inside and paid for a wire brush. He showed me what to do and how to connect the battery up again without getting shocked or zapping the new battery. I appreciated that. I wouldn’t have wanted to get a jolt from anything except my coffee.

As I finished up, I walked him back in the store thanking him for his help and he asked what I did for a living. I told him I can take apart and put together websites to make them work for your business, but do not ask me to fix a car. He laughed then asked for a business card. I opened my wallet to hand him a card and a customer at the counter asked me if he could have one too. I said sure.

So while I am stressing about my battery, God is helping me fix my car and market my business. I suppose after my tithe, it would only be fair to give that 10% referral bonus to the church. I mean, if God wants to market my business, I want that kind of word-of-mouth advertising.

- D

I am going to be writing in generalizations, so be aware that what I am saying does not apply to everyone.

Ladies, there is so much focus on what men have to do to please, or at least “get along” with women that men get lost in a sea of estrogen. I am all for women’s lib. In fact, I believe that women can provide value in all areas of life and not just the domestic areas as stoic old fogies would have you think.

But let us consider the turn of events over the last thirty years. Women were considered 2nd class citizens, then liberation happened. Women gained rights and wanted to be treated equally. Men started treating women equally. As women became independent, they cared more for their careers and less for their families. Men resented the influx of women in business and showed less chivalry. Women gained power and authority. Men turned to pornography and prostitution as a way to feel more in control. Women resented it.

Over the last thirty years we have seen the tides change (most change is good). I believe that women ought to be treated equally, in most areas of life.

However, I do not believe that all women WANT to be treated equally.

Let me explain.

A woman still wants a man to support her. She still wants to have him open her car door (or any door for that matter). She still wants to feel secure in her man’s arms. She still wants to be taken care of. She still wants him to pay (even if they share the same bank account). She still wants to be treated like a woman.

So where does that leave men in this picture? Confused, that’s where! Thirty years ago, men still may not have had a clue, but at least there were boundaries. Now, there are no boundaries and we are still expected to understand what women want. How can that be?

So, ladies, here is my advice to you. If you want your man to “get you” you need to be willing to speak to him at his level of understanding.

At our core, men want a few basic things:

1. To be Respected (our feelings can get hurt when you disregard us as a piece of furniture)
2. To be Loved (emotionally, because we are emotional inside)
3. To be Made Love To (like you you once did, ya know… before kids)
4. To be Fed (we rarely cook, except over a pit)
5. To be Hugged (we like Mushy, we just hide it well)
6. To be Praised (feed the ego, just do not overfeed)
7. To be Heard (we are often dismissed in the chaos)
8. To be Given a List (we are methodical and enjoy crossing things off)
9. To be the Guy with the Best Looking Woman on His Arm (keep yourself looking good and we will too)
10. To be Your One and Only (we will not go or look elsewhere if the above are taken seriously)

Ladies, we do not care if you run the world, as long as you let us run it with you. After all, we are two halves that make the whole, not two wholes that make a half.

- D