Whatever You Want Honey

When you are driving in the car and you get directions from the Navigator that conflict with what you know to be accurate directions, what do you do?

Let me explain a little further. You are traveling to a place that you have never been before. Your Navigator happens to be your wife (or significant other) and the directions that you printed from MapQuest do not “feel” right.

Do you:

1. Listen to what the Navigator says.
2. Be the Captain and have the Navigator stand down from their duties.
3. Ignore the Navigator and use your keen intuition.

There are two ways that this can play out. Correct directions from MapQuest (seldom correct, may I add) or Incorrect directions from MapQuest.

Correct directions:

1. If you listen to the Navigator then you get there and the only tension you have is your own because you felt like you had a “better way”.
2. If you take the directions from the Navigator you arrive at your destination, you feel slightly thwarted because the directions were actually correct and your Navigator doesn’t speak to you the rest of the day and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.
3. You ignored the Navigator and did your own thing. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming. Your Navigator doesn’t speak to you the rest of the day and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.

Incorrect Directions:

1. If you listen to the Navigator and you arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated, the Navigator is mad at MapQuest. You may be fuming at the Navigator for the delay, but it was out of their control, but you button your lip and say nothing with the exception of agreeing that MapQuest was wrong.
2. If you take the directions from the Navigator to try and figure it out on your own. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming at MapQuest and you, and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.
3. You ignored the Navigator and did your own thing. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming at MapQuest and you, and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.

The problem is, you do not know if the directions are correct to begin with, so how do you win each time?

Use Yahoo! Maps. And whatever you do, listen to the Navigator. You can never go wrong.

- D

Over the last weekend, we went to a local fair held in Gratz, PA. The fair has been around for 134 years. This was my son’s and my first time ever visiting this age old fair. My wife went last year while us guys were still living in South Carolina.

While there, we saw a comedic illusionists, swine, bovine, antique tractors, games galore, tons of rides and a circus act. Last evening, Kaleb and his best friend thought it would be cool to practice being carnies by sneaking out of the house and practice throwing knives.

Yikes!

The neighbors saw their new “act” and thought that we would like to know about their new found talent. We were surprised that they had these aspirations and immediately shut their act down.

While, I am certain that they could have drawn a rather large crowd with their talent, we do not feel that a 5 1/2 year old and a 10 year old should be the stars of this showcase (especially with no formal training). We felt that it is best left to the experts of the fair.

- D

- D

Yes. I can be full of useless facts that seemly amount to nothing when taken in, but provide to be useful when the situation warrants it.

Problem:
The hot water lasts for 4 minutes in the morning.

Solution:
Alternate taking showers with my wife every other day. (Thank goodness for deodorant and baby powder [for me not her, she smells like wildflowers all the time ]). On the days I take a shower, I give my son a shower before I get mine. Otherwise, this would be the attitude I would get.

Let me explain. We have no water heater. We live in an old building with the hot water supplied through the furnace’s boiler. When the weather is hot, the furnace tends to not kick on. So, it needs to be manually switched on. It heats for about 30 minutes which provides about 4 minutes of hot water. When it is cold outside (50 degrees or below) the water stays nice and hot for hours (not really, but you get the point).

Problem:
It rains for 64 hours straight and the dog smells, well… like a wet dog.

Solution:
Dog shampoo works in the rain too. It just doesn’t come out as easy unless you stand directly under the broken downspout.

The dog has been stinking for a while and the fact that we only have a stand up shower makes it difficult to bathe the dog properly. I didn’t actually bathe her outside though. Although, in theory, you could. Nor do I have a broken downspout. I took her to my mom’s house and gave her a good scrub down there. She smells much better!

Problem:
I just found out that our tap water is not as good as it could be.

Solution:
Add a pinch of sea salt to 1 gallon of drinking water to add electrolytes and make the water work better in your body.

I just read somewhere that adding a pinch of Sea Salt turns your water from plain old water into a veritable electrolyte factory. Not as salty as a Sports Drink. Actually, I couldn’t taste the salt at all. Aside from that, it slightly improved the taste of the water. It made it taste more like… water. I know, that sounds like a Doofus remark, but really, it didn’t have the “from the spigot” taste to it. Hho’da thunk?

- D

Ok. Let me set the stage.

The day we left the campground was a Monday. It was before noon. The heat balmy and the air so thick with moisture you could nearly splash one another.

The car was packed tight. The trunk jammed with camping gear to the point of overflowing. The backseat laden with laptops, pillows and miscellaneous other campground necessities. Bottles of water were plentiful and the trip snack bag was within reach.

The little guy is buckled into his seat and already playing his Leapster. We could hear Thomas and His Friends music wafting through the dense humidity echoing like it was being played in a tin can. Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled in for a long summer’s nap drive.

We stop at the convenience store to pick up coffee for me (as if it wasn’t hot enough outside) and a Poweraide for Kaleb before we get on the highway. We hop on the Interstate and navigate through the other campers fleeing their campground sites. I set the cruise control at 68 and turned up the music.

To what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But that a State Cop Car should draw near.
I jumped from my skin and Becki said, Uh Oh.
I wondered how fast the Lincoln would go.

But never fear I had set the speed to cruise,
I thought I was fine until I saw red and blues.
I heard the woop woop then I pulled to the side,
Looks like this wasn’t an uneventful ride.

He said, “Do you know at what speed I clocked you?”
68 but I don’t think yours was that too.
He retorted, “75 is what the gun had.”
All the while thinking this was going to be bad.

He took my DL and insurance card back to his car,
Came back with a smile and handed my son a star.
He said this is a warning so keep your speed slow,
Stuck his head in the window and wouldn’t you know.

Spoke to my son and said with an ear to ear smile,
You’re a deputy now, so watch your dad’s speed or I’ll,
Have to pull him over again down the road lickety-splicket,
And give him another like this bright yellow ticket.

Well, it didn’t go exactly like that, but you know peotic liberty and all. He really did give me a warning ticket and he really did give my son a star shaped badge that said “Deputy” on it. AND he really did tell my son to watch my speed.

But I know without a doubt that I had cruise control set at 68. We were in a 65 MPH zone, too. So, about the 75… I do not know. Could it be I was pulled over for having a PA tag on Ohio?

Oh, the adventures we have!

- D