We had a small shindig on his b-day. Becki made him a white on white cake, no fancy frivolities, just his favorites. I had to make blowing out the candles harder by splitting them 3 to a side, but his little lungs got them all. (And no spittle this year!)

My friend announced the sale of her business. Sad day. I know you breathe your sigh of relief, but I cry for those who have not received your wisdom.

My little family went to the doctor’s office for our check ups. I received a tetanus shot, but my wife weaseled out of hers.

We threw a birthday party for my son.

Here you can see my artful take on creating a cake especially for the Cars(tm) King.

Yeah, ok, so maybe frosting is not my medium, but them thar kinfolk were all im-pressed-like.

Here is his favorite “toy”. If you look closely, you can see my growing bald spot being covered inconspicuously by a comb over.

The “toy” again.

As a side note to my beloved Mom-In-Law, I now have pictures of you, hehehe. Do I smell blackmail?

My wife and I got the flu and are doing our best to recover. I think we got sick from going to the doctor’s office. Is that free enterprise at work or what?

So life is ever packed with bursts of sunshine and rain.

Here is to getting more sunshine!

- D

However, let me state one important piece of information. Toward the bottom of the post I told your lady NOT to nag you.

Do you know why she nags you? Do you?

It is because you do not do what she asks of you.

• I have told her how to ask you to do things.
• I have told her why she needs to ask you to do those things in a new way.
• I even told her that she needs to keep her promises.

HOWEVER, if you do not get up off your rump the first time she asks you to do something, she will ask you again. And again. And again. (You call this nagging. She calls it ignoring.)

So, let me clear the air for you. If you do what she asks of you right away, then she doesn’t have a chance to nag. Amazing how that works.

- D

The interesting thing about this is that my wife has the best possible memory of anyone I know, but she seldom remembers this quote.

I had to make this statement to segue into the topic just so you had a little background as to why this post is important to me and other men.

Tell Him What You Want

Ladies, in order to build a strong relationship with your hubby, communication is a MUST. It is not difficult to talk to your man, after all, you did court one another at the beginning of your relationship. I am certain that you communicated then. You likely even told your guy what you wanted and he probably responded accordingly. Gee, I wonder why?

But something, somewhere went awry. You started hinting around at things you wanted rather than telling him what it is. Your comments may sound like this, now:

• Have you seen the newspaper today?
• Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. I do not know if I can make both of them.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. I wonder if they ever finished their new dining area.
• My mom’s not feeling good this week.
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight.

To women, and some REALLLLY in touch men, these statements are clear and they can pick up what you are trying to say. Your girlfriends are aghast. They probably responded with, “I guess [insert husband’s name here] just ignored you again, didn’t he?”

But, let us consider that most men cannot decipher subtle hints like the ones you dropped. Most lack the ability to read between the lines and merely think you are just making a statement, when you are actually making a request. Think about the guttural sounds they make when around their guy friends watching a game or hanging around the barbecue pit over some chicken, shrimp and steak searing to perfection. Remember the TV show “Home Improvement” and Tim’s ape grunts and calls. Yeah, that’s man talk there baby!

So, in order to talk to the guy who reverted back to his primal state, let us revisit the statements above and convert them to a language most men, really do understand.

• Have you seen the newspaper today?
  Should Be:
  Honey, would you check the porch and bushes to see if the paper arrived yet?
• Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. I do not know if I can make both of them.
  Should Be:
  Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. Can you pick up Ginny on your way home? She’ll be at the lower field next to the front gate of the school.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. I wonder if they ever finished their new dining area.
  Should Be:
  Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. How about a date to Finici’s on Thursday night?
• My mom’s not feeling good this week.
  Should Be:
  My mom’s not feeling good this week. Would you mind if I spent the next couple evenings and this weekend taking care of her?
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight.
  Should Be:
  I am going to take a bath before bed tonight. If you come to bed after I am done, you’ll get lucky.

Do you see the difference a few more words can make? I want to issue you a challenge. If your man is not responsive to your “normal” requests. Try to spell it out for him for a week. Be clear about your requests. Try to remember most men read newspapers, not minds.

One last tidbit of insight before I end this post. Do not nag. Guys HATE it. Appeal to his ego and sexuality and watch him jump through hoops for you. Here are some good ways to get your man to do what you want.

Give these a try:

• Honey, you are really good at finding things so would you check the porch and bushes to see if the paper arrived yet?
• Can you pick up Ginny from soccer practice on your way home? She’ll be at the lower field next to the front gate of the school. You could take her to the ice cream shop and have some father/daughter time after if you’d like.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. How about a date to Finici’s on Thursday night? Who knows where our little romantic evening could end up?
• My mom’s not feeling good this week. Would you mind if I spent the next couple evenings and this weekend taking care of her? Maybe we can get a baby sitter when I get back so I can pamper you too.
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight. If you come to bed after I am done, you’ll get lucky. (You do not need to change this one.)

or some other ideas…

• I need the trash taken out and I just love to watch your biceps bulge when you do it.
• I need a big strong man to help bring in the groceries. Are you that man?
• I know you don’t like cleaning the gutters, but if you clean them today and get a shower, I’ll give you a [flirt, flirt] chest massage on the bed tonight.

Just be sure to keep your promises. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Otherwise he will feel rejected and then wind up ignoring even the most sultry requests. Good luck communicating!

[Unwittingly, as I was writing this post, my wife asked me what I was doing. After I told her, she told me what she wanted! ]

- D

For the seven I tag, here are the rules:

1. Link to the person’s blog who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. List seven random and/or weird facts about yourself.
4. Tag seven random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by posting a comment on their blog.
My rule: (I am such a rule breaker)
6. Or, you do not have to tag anyone else and break the cycle.

Let’s see, 7 weird things about me. 7. Weird things. About me?

1. I am almost Metro Sexual. I’ve got the attitude but not the wardrobe. I still dress like a Neanderthal.
2. I am a Geek. But is that so weird?
3. I cry during movies, sometimes TV shows and the occasional commercial.
4. 99% of my friends are women. (Is that weird or smart?)
5. I may partake of an alcoholic beverage maybe five times per year.
6. I am a guy. I hate watching ALL sports (except 8 ball championships). But I love playing golf and shooting pool. NO FOOTBALL FOR ME! YUK!!!!!
7. My BFF (guy) is 5 years old and I call him “Bud” and occasionally call him “Son”.

The seven people I choose to tag were not chosen. Sorry, see rule #6. :o)

- D

1. You stress a lot.
2. You bite your nails (Ok. I don’t but the prospect is appealing.)
3. You blog.

I haven’t been doing much of the blogging thing, as you can tell by my last post. But the other two have been pretty steady.

Calgon, take me away!

- D

Let me explain a little further. You are traveling to a place that you have never been before. Your Navigator happens to be your wife (or significant other) and the directions that you printed from MapQuest do not “feel” right.

Do you:

1. Listen to what the Navigator says.
2. Be the Captain and have the Navigator stand down from their duties.
3. Ignore the Navigator and use your keen intuition.

There are two ways that this can play out. Correct directions from MapQuest (seldom correct, may I add) or Incorrect directions from MapQuest.

Correct directions:

1. If you listen to the Navigator then you get there and the only tension you have is your own because you felt like you had a “better way”.
2. If you take the directions from the Navigator you arrive at your destination, you feel slightly thwarted because the directions were actually correct and your Navigator doesn’t speak to you the rest of the day and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.
3. You ignored the Navigator and did your own thing. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming. Your Navigator doesn’t speak to you the rest of the day and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.

Incorrect Directions:

1. If you listen to the Navigator and you arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated, the Navigator is mad at MapQuest. You may be fuming at the Navigator for the delay, but it was out of their control, but you button your lip and say nothing with the exception of agreeing that MapQuest was wrong.
2. If you take the directions from the Navigator to try and figure it out on your own. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming at MapQuest and you, and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.
3. You ignored the Navigator and did your own thing. You arrived at your destination but you are much later than you anticipated and the Navigator is fuming at MapQuest and you, and you have to sleep in the Galley because Captain’s Quarters are “off limits”.

The problem is, you do not know if the directions are correct to begin with, so how do you win each time?

Use Yahoo! Maps. And whatever you do, listen to the Navigator. You can never go wrong.

- D

While there, we saw a comedic illusionists, swine, bovine, antique tractors, games galore, tons of rides and a circus act. Last evening, Kaleb and his best friend thought it would be cool to practice being carnies by sneaking out of the house and practice throwing knives.

Yikes!

The neighbors saw their new “act” and thought that we would like to know about their new found talent. We were surprised that they had these aspirations and immediately shut their act down.

While, I am certain that they could have drawn a rather large crowd with their talent, we do not feel that a 5 1/2 year old and a 10 year old should be the stars of this showcase (especially with no formal training). We felt that it is best left to the experts of the fair.

- D

- D

Problem:
The hot water lasts for 4 minutes in the morning.

Solution:
Alternate taking showers with my wife every other day. (Thank goodness for deodorant and baby powder [for me not her, she smells like wildflowers all the time ]). On the days I take a shower, I give my son a shower before I get mine. Otherwise, this would be the attitude I would get.

Let me explain. We have no water heater. We live in an old building with the hot water supplied through the furnace’s boiler. When the weather is hot, the furnace tends to not kick on. So, it needs to be manually switched on. It heats for about 30 minutes which provides about 4 minutes of hot water. When it is cold outside (50 degrees or below) the water stays nice and hot for hours (not really, but you get the point).

Problem:
It rains for 64 hours straight and the dog smells, well… like a wet dog.

Solution:
Dog shampoo works in the rain too. It just doesn’t come out as easy unless you stand directly under the broken downspout.

The dog has been stinking for a while and the fact that we only have a stand up shower makes it difficult to bathe the dog properly. I didn’t actually bathe her outside though. Although, in theory, you could. Nor do I have a broken downspout. I took her to my mom’s house and gave her a good scrub down there. She smells much better!

Problem:
I just found out that our tap water is not as good as it could be.

Solution:
Add a pinch of sea salt to 1 gallon of drinking water to add electrolytes and make the water work better in your body.

I just read somewhere that adding a pinch of Sea Salt turns your water from plain old water into a veritable electrolyte factory. Not as salty as a Sports Drink. Actually, I couldn’t taste the salt at all. Aside from that, it slightly improved the taste of the water. It made it taste more like… water. I know, that sounds like a Doofus remark, but really, it didn’t have the “from the spigot” taste to it. Hho’da thunk?

- D

The day we left the campground was a Monday. It was before noon. The heat balmy and the air so thick with moisture you could nearly splash one another.

The car was packed tight. The trunk jammed with camping gear to the point of overflowing. The backseat laden with laptops, pillows and miscellaneous other campground necessities. Bottles of water were plentiful and the trip snack bag was within reach.

The little guy is buckled into his seat and already playing his Leapster. We could hear Thomas and His Friends music wafting through the dense humidity echoing like it was being played in a tin can. Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap, had just settled in for a long summer’s nap drive.

We stop at the convenience store to pick up coffee for me (as if it wasn’t hot enough outside) and a Poweraide for Kaleb before we get on the highway. We hop on the Interstate and navigate through the other campers fleeing their campground sites. I set the cruise control at 68 and turned up the music.

To what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But that a State Cop Car should draw near.
I jumped from my skin and Becki said, Uh Oh.
I wondered how fast the Lincoln would go.

But never fear I had set the speed to cruise,
I thought I was fine until I saw red and blues.
I heard the woop woop then I pulled to the side,
Looks like this wasn’t an uneventful ride.

He said, “Do you know at what speed I clocked you?”
68 but I don’t think yours was that too.
He retorted, “75 is what the gun had.”
All the while thinking this was going to be bad.

He took my DL and insurance card back to his car,
Came back with a smile and handed my son a star.
He said this is a warning so keep your speed slow,
Stuck his head in the window and wouldn’t you know.

Spoke to my son and said with an ear to ear smile,
You’re a deputy now, so watch your dad’s speed or I’ll,
Have to pull him over again down the road lickety-splicket,
And give him another like this bright yellow ticket.

Well, it didn’t go exactly like that, but you know peotic liberty and all. He really did give me a warning ticket and he really did give my son a star shaped badge that said “Deputy” on it. AND he really did tell my son to watch my speed.

But I know without a doubt that I had cruise control set at 68. We were in a 65 MPH zone, too. So, about the 75… I do not know. Could it be I was pulled over for having a PA tag on Ohio?

Oh, the adventures we have!

- D