Whatever You Want Honey

I saw the title of a book several years ago that stated “Men Read Newspapers, Not Minds” by Sandra Aldrich and the funny thing is, I’ve quoted this title to my spouse about four hundred times in the last six or seven years.

The interesting thing about this is that my wife has the best possible memory of anyone I know, but she seldom remembers this quote.

I had to make this statement to segue into the topic just so you had a little background as to why this post is important to me and other men.

Tell Him What You Want

Ladies, in order to build a strong relationship with your hubby, communication is a MUST. It is not difficult to talk to your man, after all, you did court one another at the beginning of your relationship. I am certain that you communicated then. You likely even told your guy what you wanted and he probably responded accordingly. Gee, I wonder why?

But something, somewhere went awry. You started hinting around at things you wanted rather than telling him what it is. Your comments may sound like this, now:

• Have you seen the newspaper today?
• Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. I do not know if I can make both of them.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. I wonder if they ever finished their new dining area.
• My mom’s not feeling good this week.
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight.

To women, and some REALLLLY in touch men, these statements are clear and they can pick up what you are trying to say. Your girlfriends are aghast. They probably responded with, “I guess [insert husband’s name here] just ignored you again, didn’t he?”

But, let us consider that most men cannot decipher subtle hints like the ones you dropped. Most lack the ability to read between the lines and merely think you are just making a statement, when you are actually making a request. Think about the guttural sounds they make when around their guy friends watching a game or hanging around the barbecue pit over some chicken, shrimp and steak searing to perfection. Remember the TV show “Home Improvement” and Tim’s ape grunts and calls. Yeah, that’s man talk there baby!

So, in order to talk to the guy who reverted back to his primal state, let us revisit the statements above and convert them to a language most men, really do understand.

• Have you seen the newspaper today?
  Should Be:
  Honey, would you check the porch and bushes to see if the paper arrived yet?
• Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. I do not know if I can make both of them.
  Should Be:
  Ginny’s soccer practice gets out early today and Johnny’s t-ball coach is having a parent meeting after practice. Can you pick up Ginny on your way home? She’ll be at the lower field next to the front gate of the school.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. I wonder if they ever finished their new dining area.
  Should Be:
  Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. How about a date to Finici’s on Thursday night?
• My mom’s not feeling good this week.
  Should Be:
  My mom’s not feeling good this week. Would you mind if I spent the next couple evenings and this weekend taking care of her?
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight.
  Should Be:
  I am going to take a bath before bed tonight. If you come to bed after I am done, you’ll get lucky.

Do you see the difference a few more words can make? I want to issue you a challenge. If your man is not responsive to your “normal” requests. Try to spell it out for him for a week. Be clear about your requests. Try to remember most men read newspapers, not minds.

One last tidbit of insight before I end this post. Do not nag. Guys HATE it. Appeal to his ego and sexuality and watch him jump through hoops for you. Here are some good ways to get your man to do what you want.

Give these a try:

• Honey, you are really good at finding things so would you check the porch and bushes to see if the paper arrived yet?
• Can you pick up Ginny from soccer practice on your way home? She’ll be at the lower field next to the front gate of the school. You could take her to the ice cream shop and have some father/daughter time after if you’d like.
• Today I was thinking about that little Italian restaurant that we went to last May. How about a date to Finici’s on Thursday night? Who knows where our little romantic evening could end up?
• My mom’s not feeling good this week. Would you mind if I spent the next couple evenings and this weekend taking care of her? Maybe we can get a baby sitter when I get back so I can pamper you too.
• I am going to take a bath before bed tonight. If you come to bed after I am done, you’ll get lucky. (You do not need to change this one.)

or some other ideas…

• I need the trash taken out and I just love to watch your biceps bulge when you do it.
• I need a big strong man to help bring in the groceries. Are you that man?
• I know you don’t like cleaning the gutters, but if you clean them today and get a shower, I’ll give you a [flirt, flirt] chest massage on the bed tonight.

Just be sure to keep your promises. If you say you are going to do something, do it. Otherwise he will feel rejected and then wind up ignoring even the most sultry requests. Good luck communicating!

[Unwittingly, as I was writing this post, my wife asked me what I was doing. After I told her, she told me what she wanted! ]

- D